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Question: Holy Oaths - Can they be Absolved?

Question in Detail: This may be a little off the track of what you usually receive, but please bear with me. I had some trouble finding a Presbyterian site with a contact link. Ok, what happened is this: a girl at school – (we’ll call her Julie) - is popular, and seemingly nice. So when she talked to a friend of mine and I asking for help, I naturally agreed. In the process, she manipulated me into giving my word before God that I would stand by her no matter what. Anyway, what I ended up doing by not being careful enough is yelling at her boyfriend (apparently ex-boyfriend, I don't know about that yet) in an attempt to fulfill my oath. But information has arisen that indicates she was lying and attempting to set the boyfriend (we’ll call him Bob), my friend and I against each other. In any case, in the process of doing so she has insulted me beyond my ability to bear. But since I gave my holy oath that I would stand by her no matter what, I can't do anything. Turning the other cheek would result in a loss of a huge amount of honor. What I ask is this: is it possible for holy oaths to be absolved? I don't think so otherwise they would lose significance completely, but it is the only way out of this mess that would allow me to keep my honor.

Answer:

Dear Sir,

I'm glad you asked this question so that you will not continue in sin, and in its consequences. Below is a response that I believe will be useful to you in freeing you from the situation you find yourself in. I hope the information and counsel will be helpful to you.

Often, Satan and those who act according to his ways seek to trap the followers of Christ by setting them up based on their principles and practices of duty and charity. For example, satraps and administrators of Babylon used this ploy against Daniel, though unsuccessfully, in Daniel 6. The problem comes when we want to be a friend and help others, but unwisely consent to requests which in the end lead us to situations such as you now face. The good news though is THERE IS A SOLUTION, and God's Word provides

the way!

First, we are not to enter such agreements as you have done. For example, in counseling, people often ask me if I will keep what they tell me in private (perfect confidence). Rather than answering yes, I respond by

saying that "I will deal with them according to God's Word and in keeping with Professional and Ethical Integrity I will handle the information communicated to me in a guarded and judicious manner; however, when it comes to issues such as those where the law has been broken or where I am required to report the information to others, or if it is in the individual's best interest, at the appropriate time and in an appropriate manner I maintain the freedom to use information communicated to me as the standards of wisdom

and holiness dictate." So, first of all, with the best intentions, you have entered into a relationship (agreement/contract) that you should not have entered. Now, you find yourself in a "catch 22" situation as a result. The question now is: What shall you do now to right the situation and get yourself out of this bind?

The right thing to do is to go back to the person you made the contract with, explain the truth concerning what you thought you were agreeing to and what you have now discovered you believe that person expects of you. Explain to them that you now believe that you should never have entered into such an agreement(it was unwise, and even sinful, though you did not know it at the time), and that you repent of your actions. Communicate to them that you can no longer continue in such a sinful course and direction and that

you believe for their best interest neither should they. Ask them to release you from such an agreement. If they refuse to do so, then inform them that based on the fact that you are to obey God rather than man when it comes to conflicting demands(Acts 5:29), even if they are not willing to release you from the agreement, then you must break the agreement (recognizing it to be unwise and sinful from the beginning) and that you

must pursue a course of wisdom, obedience and righteousness from this point on. In this way, you can honorably and righteously deal with the problems you got yourself into in the past, and experience freedom and a clear conscience in the future. (Don't forget to thank God for delivering you from such shackles and sin, and give him honor and praise in the future for being the one who has so wonderfully provided for you during this time of great need.)

What should you expect as you carry out this plan of action? First, the person will accuse you of betraying them and being a liar. You must realize that your intention was never to betray them, but to be a friend to them. The issue here is not one of betrayal but of righteousness. It is actually the one who with a pretentious attitude gets you to agree to such an act (knowing that they are going to use that to get you to do their evil bidding) who is actually participating in the practice of lying. Next, expect them to accuse you of breaking a promise. You need to realize the issue here is one of breaking a promise that never should have been established in the first place and one that leads to and is resulting in sin. Hence, the question ultimately is this: Is it better to continue in a sinful relationship and promise, along with continuing to participate in the sin that results from it; or is it better to repent of past sins, pursue a righteous course of action, and look to the Lord with a clear conscience, even if the enemy seeks to manipulate you into remaining loyal to them and to their unrighteous plans, and continues to hold your sins before you. Remember the words of Paul in Rom 8 - "If God is for us, who can be against us?...Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus,

who died - more than that, who was raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us." This same freedom is available for you whether you are dealing with the attacks of the one who made the agreement with you or the attacks of their friends.

Finally, note this applies only to the situation where you have made an unlawful vow, not to situations where you have made a lawful vow but end up realizing it is not to your advantage. The psalmist addresses that issue in Ps 15:1-4 where he writes "Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, ... who keeps his oath even when it hurts."