Friction that Grieves the Spirit (30-31)
Paul alludes to another OT passage (Isa 63:9-10). Just as the exodus generation rebelled against God in the wilderness, so Isaiah prophecies that the returning exiles would rebel against God in the future. However, God’s mercy prevails when “he remembered the days of old” (Isa 63:11f). Paul relates that past setting to the future “day of redemption.”
Even though they are forgiven in Christ, and the Holy Spirit has sealed them for glory, they are capable of grieving him. Paul covers the beginning and end of the salvation process. Believers are sealed through regeneration by the Holy Spirit who is the guarantee of their inheritance (Eph 1:13-14). The Spirit’s grief doesn’t revoke His grace, but it reveals our inconsistency.
The Holy Spirit is not an impersonal force. 53% of Evangelicals got this wrong in Ligonier’s State of Theology 2025! At the same time, according to the doctrine of divine impassibility, God is self-sufficient and unchanging. He is invulnerable to suffering.
In what sense does God “feel” our actions? Is he cold and indifferent to our actions? Does his grief send him into a funk until we repent? Is his joy contingent upon human actions?
God reveals himself with language that humans can understand. The Children’s Catechism says that “God is a spirit and he does not have a body like man.” Yet, the Bible says that God has a face (Deut 6:25), eyes (Ps 34:15), hands (Ex 7:5), even wings (Ps 91:4). This is called anthropomorphic language. Similarly, the Bible uses anthropopathic language such as God feeling sorry (Gen 6:6), jealous (Ex 20:5), and grieved (1 Sam 15:35).
In what sense do our sins affect the Holy Spirit? Properly speaking, they don’t. To be affected would imply mutability. Since God is unchanging, neither is he affected. God remains perfectly holy, just, and righteous at all times. He cannot become anything because he already is perfectly God in actuality.
The Holy Spirit does not enter into a funk when we sin. He does not become sour toward us. Paul is speaking of God from a human perspective. He’s helping us understand God’s opposition to sin.
When believers mistreat one another, they oppose the work of the Spirit who unites us. The Spirit is grieved, clarifying with human emotions, his opposition to their sin—specifically, sins that cause friction in the body of Christ.
The Spirit’s seal is a call to holiness. It involves putting away the vices that fracture fellowship and frustrate the Spirit’s work (v.31; cf. v.3). Even the language of “frustrate” is not technically proper. The Spirit’s plans have not been thwarted by our vices. It’s not as if the Spirit keeps trying to accomplish something, but we keep getting in his way. The Spirit is not limited by our sin, but our sin limits our participation in his work.
The application is Paul’s imperative to put off anger. But, instead of simply stating it like that, he uses six words to be more comprehensive.
1. Bitterness: Sour, cynical, refusal to reconcile. This was reflected in the wilderness generation’s grumbling against Moses, but reveals resentment against God.
2. Wrath: Passionate, uncontrolled rage.
3. Anger: Although a synonym, this may convey a more subtle, sullen hostility.
4. Clamor: Excitable, shouting/screaming match.
5. Slander: Speaking evil of others, defaming, usually behind their back.
6. Malice: Plotting evil, wishing ill, possibly an amalgamation of #1-5.
Most of the time there is a slow progression from internal bitterness toward external malice. All of these attitudes, both inward and outward, fuel friction within the body of Christ.
› The prescription for overcoming friction is growing in our…
Affection that Pleases the Spirit (32)
The Spirit rejoices when believers mirror Christ’s kindness, compassion, and forgiveness.
1. Kindness: Our kindness should reflect the kindness of God, who is “kind to the ungrateful and the evil” (Lk 6:35). It is the kindness of God that leads us to repentance. He initiates a pursuit, drawing us to himself, so that we cannot help but respond with grateful trust.
2. Tenderhearted: Compassionate toward those in need. The Good Samaritan who had sympathy for the injured man and extended generous hospitality ensuring he was cared for.
3. Forgiving: Forgiveness isn’t natural—it’s supernatural. Therefore we are called to forgive in the same way that we have been forgiven.
There is a needed qualification here. Forgiveness is not automatic with God—that would be universalism. The forgiveness of God demands repentance. Therefore, our forgiveness of others also demands repentance.
But, oftentimes, this distinction can become an excuse to grow bitter. All of the sins forbidden in v.30 are not excused by someone’s lack of repentance. We do not get to remain angry and bitter with someone because they fail to repent.
My point is that genuine forgiveness is not possible without genuine repentance. Yet, the quality of repentance is not ultimately left for us to determine. So our posture toward an offending brother/sister-in-Christ, must be one of forgiveness. We should always be ready to forgive (even for ).
Rather than fueling anger, we should reflect attitudes that awaken affection.
This is about being conformed into the image of Christ. “As God in Christ forgave you” — the gospel is the pattern and power for our relationships.
The same Spirit who sealed us enables us to extend the grace we’ve received. When we respond to offense with grace, the Spirit finds joy, not grief, among His people.
How can we put off the friction that grieves the Spirit (30-31) and put on affection that pleases the Spirit (32)? Continue in the manner in which you were saved. There is a difference between justification and sanctification, but the means of both are the same.
Take for instance, this excellent illustration from Doug Wilson’s “Letter to the President About Heaven.”
“The Bible describes one motion with two different words, which are repent and believe. To be converted is to turn around. Imagine yourself facing the wall of self, a wall with little shelves all over it, and on each shelf is an idol. Behind you is the wall that is Christ. To be converted is to turn away from the wall of self and to turn toward the wall of Christ. That one motion of turning can be described in two different ways. The turning away is called repentance. The turning toward is called faith. So the message is to repent of your sins and believe the gospel, and this is all one motion. You cannot turn to Christ without turning away from self, denying self, and you cannot turn away from self without seeing Christ.”
Notice that the language of putting off (repent) and putting on (believe) is applied to conversion—something that results in our justification. But, of course, we’ve been using similar language for sanctification. Why? Because the gospel is not something we ever move beyond. The same repentance and faith that initially saved you (conversion), continues to save you (sanctification).
Colossians 2:6 “Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him.”
In the same way that you turned away from the wall of self and turned toward the wall of Christ, continue to live in him. Our obedience is a result of our continuing to repent and believe. That doesn’t mean we are converted daily, but the same grace that enabled our conversion also enables our growth in Christ.